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Fuck up number 11

This is it my friends, the last chapter. Will Jack fuck up yet again or find love?

Chapter 11

That night as I looked at the ceiling in the guest bedroom, I went over the day's events. Was dark in the room-- one of those Texas nights where no stars or moon lit the sky so I didn't need to close my eyes to think. Laying there, I did plenty of thinking as I waited to hear Lureen's car pull safely in the drive. Felt bad about Lureen-- she loved me in her own way. Never was real passion between us, even that first time was more her than me, but I cared about her. She was more than a companion, she was my friend. I didn't want to lose my friend in all this. Or Bobby.

One good thing that come of this mess of a marriage was Bobby. Bobby. Loved him more than life. He was the only reason why I stayed and took LD's shit all these years. Loved that boy so much. Wanted more for him than I had. I told myself I'd be that daddy that mine never was. I done well with my son. He was a kind, sweet young man. Smart, too. Although lately I'd been piss-poor at showing him how much he meant to me, I loved him and told him that. Something my pa never done.

I loved him. I wondered why that was so hard to say for my pa or was he it that didn't love me? I'll never let a living soul wonder ever again. Telling a person you loved them was damn important. I made sure Bobby would never have a problem saying those words. Sometimes I wondered why I married Lureen. She was like my pa in that respect, saying "I love you" was hard for her. Not hard to understand with a pa like LD. The old man worried me. 

One thing I feared most about all this was losing my boy. Don't think Lureen would cut me out of my son's life even out of spite but LD would. Oh yes, he sure would.

Car pulled into the drive, and I heard Lureen stumble in, swearing as she came down the hall. I called out to tell her I was in the guest bedroom. Didn't want her worrying none. She opened the guest bedroom door, half in and half out of the doorway. 

"I'm in here," I repeated.

"So ya are. Nice you could be with us here tonight." Her voice slurred a bit, and she steadied herself against the frame. 

"Ya ok, Lureen?" 

"Not of a mind ta talk to you now. Goin ta bed and pass out." But she hesitated, looking in on me. "This is really it, ain't it?"

"Yes," I said, "reckon so."

"Goodbye, Jack." Tears rolled down her cheeks. Only the third time I ever seen Lureen cry. First time when we got married, second when Bobby was born. And now.

"Goodnight, Lureen."

Didn't say goodbye, 'cause it wasn't. I closed my eyes, relieved she didn't want to bitch me out none right now-- she could be down-right mean when drunk.

With Lureen home safe, I reckoned I could shut off my brain and get some shut-eye. I let myself drift-- let myself imagine. Jack the dreamer. Time to let myself wish. That night I imagined what the sweet life might be like. Never let myself imagine what it'd be like with Ennis until that moment. Oh, I imagined having a life with him, but not all the details. Never done that. So I let myself. Imagined the ranch-- the one Ennis told me about. Place has a big wrap-around porch and a front door that I painted all white. A horseshoe hangs above the door that Ennis nailed there. I see Ennis and me next to each other in rocking chairs; it's a mid-July evening, and the warmth of summer covers us like a blanket. We rock slow, drinking cold beer and watching the sunset behind the corral. Lightning bugs are just beginning to spark.  His knee brushes against mine with each rock of the chair; feels so comforting. Like home. Safe-secure. A place I ain't ever had. Know all this is just me wishing but for the first time, all this seems possible. Fell asleep with a smile on my lips thinking on the sweet life. 

Dreams weren't so good that night despite my sweet imaginings before. Didn't have nightmares, but they was them kind of dreams where parts of the day sneak in and bite your ass. Kind of dreams you pay close attention to; the kind that my shrink tells me are a window to your soul. 

Dream started off I was picking up Bobby from school. Next thing I know, Ennis is right there in the front seat, sitting next to us. I tell Bobby, "I am the golden ass." Then Lureen appears in the back seat and says, "I can spin straw into gold." I turn around and say, "Not now, Lureen." And Bobby points to Ennis and asks, "Who is he?" and I answer, "Rumpelstiltskin." Then Dr. Malone is there and tells me I missed my appointment. I tell him, no I didn't because this is all a dream, but he sure will love figuring out when I really do have an appointment. Then I ask him, "Can you tell me what this all means so's I don't need to come?" He tells me to figure out the answer myself. Then he disappears and so does Lureen. 

Woke up after that. It was 2 a.m.. I rolled over. No one was there next to me. No Lureen. No Ennis. No one.

This was not the way it should be.

I got out of bed with a fire in me. It's like nothing I ever had inside of me in my life. I had to talk to Ennis. Nothing was more important at that moment.

Got dressed, wiped the sleep from my eyes and was out the door with truck keys jingling. 

It was dark. Road wasn't out of the way though. Recalled passing this place many a time when out doing sales. 

The flat tire pissed me off more than anything-- like a strike from the gods to keep me from Ennis.

Got out of the truck, cussing. Got the tire iron, jack and spare out of the back of the truck. Damn spare was flat too. Got a can of compressed air out. Had the truck jacked up and all but one of the lugs off when a truck pulled up behind mine.

Two men walked up. Both young, reckoned they might still be in high school.

"Need some help?"

I stood up, wiping my hands on my jeans and walking up to them.

"No, think I got it."

Right then the spare tire blew. Compressed air must of have been too much for it.

We all jumped.

"Ya could of been killed from that!" the one with the letter jacket said.

"Guess I was lucky you two come up on me, or my face would a been down there."

They offered me their spare and I give them my phone number and said I'd buy them a new one. The boys helped me change my tire, and I was off after they give me directions to get to Ennis'.

Finding the ranch was easy. Finding where Ennis lived on the ranch was tricky. Main house was huge. Knew he had to live somewhere near. Was a small house set next to the stables-- seen B-2 in shiny, gold plate next to the door. Nice little set-up. Had to knock a long time. Finally heard feet on the other side. Door opened, and Ennis stood there, hair flat on one side, a sea of waves on the other with two black eyes from my head hitting his nose. 

"Nice place," I said, shifting my weight from side to side.

"Yeah, real nice." Ennis kept him a poker face. Left me wondering what to do.

"You gonna ask me in?" I asked, but Ennis still didn't move to let me in.

"You know what time it is?" 

"I don't know." Like to have cut out my throat for saying them same words. Ennis flinched when he heard them. I tried to cover my woeful inadequacy by saying, "Early." 

"Early..." he repeated. Shit. Guess that wasn't the right choice.

"Need ta get back for Bobby before he gets up for school, but I needed ta talk to you."

"Come in then."

Like that he stepped aside and let me in. Ennis turned on the light switch. Place had one of those open floor plans where the kitchen, dining and living area was all one but in a goodly space. Ennis' eyes barreled into me as my tongue played on my lips trying to think of what to say first. Instead, my dick was thinking, getting all hard just looking at the man in front of me with no shirt on and boxers slung low. 

"What you have to say?" Ennis asked.

I poked my tongue out again. Was like an invitation to him 'cause he slammed me against the door, body grinding into mine, his mouth greedy and good.

I came up for air. "I told Lureen."

"Good." Then his mouth came down hard on mine again. God, that man almost made me come way he sucked on my tongue. Did it a few minutes then broke away from me again.

"Told her about you, Ennis."

"Good." He unbuckled my belt with a fierce look on his face. Unzipped my jeans right quick like a man on a mission-- next I knew he was on his knees, looking up at me.

"She thought you was Edith," I said, breath coming out all jagged. "Heard me sayin your name in my sleep."

Ennis chuckled then took me in his mouth. Tarnation. 

He stopped and looked up at me. "Ya smell like grease."

"Had a flat on my way here." He chuckled then flicked his tongue on the slit of my dick.

No blow job ever felt as good as his. Took me deep into his mouth. Nothing dainty about the way he was slurping me up and down. Crammed my cock to the root up to his tonsils then slid back to the very tip and scraped his teeth, nice and slow. Had my hands in that soft hair of his, guiding his progress. 

"I want it," I stuttered.

Ennis stopped. 

"What you want?"

"I want it. I want that sweet life."

I could feel that half smile brush against my cock. 

"I want it with you."

He took me in his mouth again and went at me fast and hard. I banged my head against the door as I came, hat went flying. When he was done, Ennis held me steady, pulled my jeans back up and zipped them for me. 

"Now that that's out of our way," Ennis said, patting my crotch for good measure, "maybe you can tell me why you're here."

"Fuck, Ennis, life'll never be borin with you." I picked my hat up off the floor and beat it against my leg.

"Hope not." He headed me to the kitchen table to sit down with a hopeful look on his face. 

"Want some coffee? Only take a minute ta make some. Have one of them newfangled coffee makers. Boss give me one. Place came all furnished."

"That'd be great. Give me a chance to catch my breath." 

"You ain't gettin off that easy--"

"Think I just did."

Ennis laughed. Loved hearing it.

"Ain't you the comedian," Ennis said, measuring out the Maxwell House. "Think you're Red Skelton or something."

"Red Skelton's old time. Maybe one of them Laugh-In comedians."

"That hippie stuff ain't been on for years either." He poured the water in, then turned to me. "So, ya here ta talk about the popular culture or are ya here ta tell me what ya decided?"

"Like I said, I told Lureen. She took it better than I thought she would. Still, it ain't set in yet for her. The real problem ain't gonna be her anyhow-- it's gonna be her daddy that gives me grief."

"Think she'll tell him?"

"If she don't, she'll tell her mama and that's just the same as tellin him. Don't want nothin from her old man, but he could put some bug in Lureen's ear about me seein Bobby."

"Know how that is."

"Reckon ya do." 

Ennis poured coffee into one mug while putting the other mug quick under the stream of the coffeemaker. 

"Cream and sugar," I said.

"I remember."

He set the coffee in front of me. Mug was chipped. Had the word Dad in big, blue lettering. Run my thumb across them letters and then the chips.

Could hear the rumblings of a thunderstorm off in the distance. Felt the charge of electricity in the air. 

"Love you, Del Mar." I looked up at him. Poker face was long gone. His mouth twitched as he looked at the letters my thumb was tracing.

"Where'd that come from?"

"I could answer yer 'where from' by sayin somethin sappy like 'my heart' but you probably think I'd be gettin all girly on ya."

"No, I wouldn't think you were girly, and I like hearin ya say them words. I been waitin my whole life ta find someone who I felt like this about. Hearin you say that makes me feel like I done the right thing movin here."

I frowned. "People don't like queers any better here than where you come from."

Storm was almost on us. Lightning flashed, and lit up the room. I wondered what them two high school boys would of done if they'd known who I was coming to see and why.

"Reckon we'd have ta face that anywhere, but this don't have to be where we stay for good. Like I said, I've saved me some money. Like to start a place with you."

I sipped the coffee and watched him as he moved slow into the chair next ta mine. The rain started-- big drops hit the roof, one then two then slowly multiplying. 

"I worked hard all my life," I said. "LD's been tryin to get rid of me for years-- even offered me money in the past. Never took it. What Lureen and I got, we earned. Half of it's mine. I reckon in time, I'll have somethin to put together with yours, and we can have us a nice spread."

"So what you plan to do until that time?"

I looked over the mug of coffee at Ennis. Lightning flashed, lit up all the windows, was like God looking in. I was hoping he'd give me a suggestion or maybe Ennis would, but neither of them were going to give me a break. "Well, I'd be downright uncomfortable livin in the guest bedroom. I don't think Lureen will care ta have me under the same roof with her now. Just too painful. Don't want ta go far while Bobby's still in school; I want to be near my boy. Have ta find me another job too. God, can't tell ya how happy I am not ta work for LD and look at his face no more. Findin another job-- that's not so hard. Had plenty of offers over the years."

"Could come live here and work with me."

Looked into his eyes looking deep into mine-- was so close to him could see my own reflection in that hazy brown. Knew he was trying to gauge what I was thinking. All I could think of was what people might think, like those boys on the road, two queers living together. Heard my pa's cruel words in my ears. Pansy, baby, queer, fag. Almost laughed. Hell, ended up half of them words was right. 

Rain was coming down hard now, like waves splashing the windows. I looked down in my coffee then up into them brown eyes of his soon as he started to speak.

"Clyde, my boss, knows what I am. Told him before I even took this job. Told him I had a good friend who knows how to handle himself around horses. He knew that this job came along with you. Said I could do whatever I wanted long as I did my job." 

"He might not be so obliging when he finds out I'm LD's son-in-law."

"That ain't gonna matter. He hates LD. I figured you'd know there was bad blood between em, you bein from here."

"I'm not from here. I know a lot of what goes on, can't help it, place is so small, but I try to stay out of gossip."

"Ain't gossip. Let's just say he don't take too kindly ta LD's way of runnin a business. Clyde was raised out east and came back here, so's he's acceptin of differences."  Ennis leaned over, looking hopeful at me. "I don't expect you to move in here tonight, but just so ya know, I want ya here."

Lightning and thunder come together right then. Both of us jumped. Was a close hit.

"I got to get home. After not comin home last night, Bobby's gun-shy. Haven't told him, but pretty sure Bobby knows what's comin--"

"When ya gonna tell him?"

"Ain't no point puttin it off-- don't want him hearin it from someone else."

"Ya mean from his grandpa?"

"Got that right." I grabbed my hat off the table and put it on my head. "I reckon Lureen and I should do it together."

"Rainin hard. Could wait a bit fer it ta let up, ya got time."

I put my hand on his knee, and he looked down, placed his hand on top of mine and smiled. 

"You got something on your mind?" he asked.

Didn't need no words after that. Both of us stood up. He took my hat back off and put it in the closet next to the door. Showed me to his bedroom. Lights flickered then went out. Fine with me-- didn't need to spend time looking at his new furnishings-- just wanted to feel Ennis inside me. Lights came back on just before I got out of bed.  He pulled me down for one long kiss. Told him to stay right there, 'cause that's the way I wanted to remember him until I come back.

Went to the closet and got my hat. Pulled the string to turn on the light. And then I seen them-- both our shirts together. Mine was inside and Ennis' was out. Knew then just how much Ennis Del Mar loved me. He took my shirt and put it with his, kept us together. For always. Was hope is what it was. His hope and now it was mine. Our sweat and blood turned from two to one. This was what Ennis wanted. Us together. Wiped the tears out of my eyes. I was gonna make sure Ennis got the dream, his hope. Those shirts was our future. Yes, this was gonna be a sweet life.

Touched the shirts one more time before putting on my hat. I smiled as I shut the closet. 

Hate leaving, but I knew as I stepped out that back door, I wasn't walking out of Ennis' life-- I was walking in.

The End

(or at least the end of this part of Jack's life and on to a new one)


( 93 comments — Leave a comment )
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Dec. 8th, 2007 09:40 pm (UTC)
I was a bit worried before reading the chapter. And sad, because the fic was ending. But you gave us a happy ending and I'm grateful for it.

I liked Memoirs from the beginning to the end. It is well written and believable. Your Ennis is a lovely fella, probably I love him because he is less troubled than the canon's Ennis.

It's only my idea or the comment after the words ''The end'' leave the door open for a sequel? *makes puppy eyes*

Thank you very much!

Dec. 9th, 2007 04:01 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much, Antonella. It's always sad writing the end of a fic, but not so hard when I leave it open for more chapters. I love writing in first person Jack, so I most likely will continue this. There's plenty to expand on-- right now it's just time and these other plot bunnies that want attention...

Dec. 8th, 2007 10:03 pm (UTC)
Fuck Up 11
Hip Hip Hooray!!! Glad the guys finally got together. It took Jack a while to come to his senses though. I hope to see a sequel from this. Divorce, custody issues and LD (that ass!) behind them and Jack and Ennis living together on the ranch, building toward having their own place. There are plot bunnies here to be explored. Friends, neighbors, horny women (and men), bigots, etc. Meanwhile thanks for the happy ending/beginning.
Happy Holidays to you and yours. Carole
Dec. 9th, 2007 04:03 pm (UTC)
Re: Fuck Up 11
Hi, Carole.

Yes, they came together (literally in more ways than one). Jack always knew what he wanted, he just didn't see how he could get it or if he even deserved it-- much like OC Ennis. But unlike Ennis, he never had that one horrific experience that froze his insides.

You're right. There's plenty to address in a sequel. Those boys on the road too-- who were they?

I've got ideas...
Dec. 8th, 2007 10:16 pm (UTC)
so there will be a sequel,right?i'm really glad about that cause i started reading when chap. 7 was up.i like reading WIPs, i get more invested that way.

i loved that twist.the guys who pulled off saved Jack's life.you both included "the accident" and "the guys" and flipped them.brilliant.

lol-the dream.what would Dr. Malone say about that?"you know the answer" :]

**Hate leaving, but I knew as I stepped out that back door, I wasn't walking out of Ennis' life-- I was walking in.**

thank you

Dec. 9th, 2007 04:06 pm (UTC)
Re: "Good."
Yes, there will be, but I'm not sure how fast and furious it will come. I want to work on Love is Blind and get that one settled before too much longer. I see a light at the end of the tunnel for that now, but of course, like this fic, I'll add more to it later.

Glad you liked the "walking in" part. I was hoping that wasn't too over the top.

Thanks for reading and commenting, Kay.

Dec. 8th, 2007 10:33 pm (UTC)
Awww...that was so lovely! I have to be honest, I felt sick when Jack got the flat...I was terrified of what was going to happen....so the relief was enormous when the boys just helped him. I adored this part..

****"Love you, Del Mar." I looked up at him. Poker face was long gone. His mouth twitched as he looked at the letters my thumb was tracing.

"Where'd that come from?"

"I could answer yer 'where from' by sayin somethin sappy like 'my heart' but you probably think I'd be gettin all girly on ya."

"No, I wouldn't think you were girly, and I like hearin ya say them words. I been waitin my whole life ta find someone who I felt like this about. Hearin you say that makes me feel like I done the right thing movin here." ****

I've loved this from start to end. Even the ending as beautiful as it was, was still realistic. Thank you for this...and if there were a sequel, well, I'd be reading it.

Thank you!

Dec. 9th, 2007 04:09 pm (UTC)
Hi, Rosie!

You're very welcome. I'm happy you liked this. I try to shoot for realism in fics. I've written sci-fi and even that you want to make believable.

I'd always meant to put in the flat tire, but I'd planned on having it be Ennis. It just didn't work for me in the earlier chapter. I decided it have more power with it staying as Jack. I just had to find a way to turn it on its ear.

Thanks for reading and supporting this story.

Dec. 8th, 2007 11:07 pm (UTC)
I have enjoyed this story. Thank you.
Dec. 9th, 2007 04:15 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much!
Dec. 8th, 2007 11:19 pm (UTC)
Take a bow, el! You took a unique premise and created a truly original and beautifully written story.

He took my shirt and put it with his, kept us together. For always. Was hope is what it was. His hope and now it was mine. Our sweat and blood turned from two to one.

Well, now I'm gonna get all girly on ya, 'cause that's so lovely it brings tears to my eyes. Any time Jack wants to tell us more, we'll be here. You have a real gift for writing - thanks for sharing it!

Dec. 9th, 2007 04:17 pm (UTC)

Thanks, Marie. And you can get all girly on me anytime and tell me it brought tears to your eyes, it's fine with me. It's the greatest compliment to any writer to know what you've written has moved another person.

Thanks for reading and your gracious compliments.

Dec. 8th, 2007 11:20 pm (UTC)
Telling a person you loved them was damn important.

so true.

this was a great ending. the tension of the blown tire, Ennis knowing exactly what he wants and telling Jack in no uncertain terms, and the happily ever after. Well done! Thank you!
Dec. 9th, 2007 04:19 pm (UTC)
I knew that flat tire would throw people (that's why I put it in, get everyone's heart pumping).

And that part about telling a person you love them is the code I live by. I never fail to tell who I love that I love them everyday. There's never enough time...

Thanks for reading.

Dec. 8th, 2007 11:30 pm (UTC)
Oh yeah!
This story should DEFINITELY continue. More more more please!

Dec. 9th, 2007 04:20 pm (UTC)
Re: Oh yeah!
Well, thanks, Susan. I will write more. Not sure how soon, but yes I will.

Thanks for commenting.

Dec. 8th, 2007 11:52 pm (UTC)
I asked and here it is!
Thanks for getting this chapter up so fast. What a chapter, too my dear el.

I've loved this story since you went with it (thanks icewolf for such a great premise). Every chapter has improved the story. The flat tire floored me. I was expecting a happy ending, but when this happened I wondered what "twist" you'd throw our way. Brilliant idea. You turned tire iron into a positive.

I also loved the storm in the background at the end. A very nice touch, well done. The best part was the chipped coffee mug with DAD on it. I've seen them so many times, and I don't think I'll look on it the same way again.

I know the shirts have been used so much in this fandom; it's a huge metaphor. I like how it's Ennis in this story who puts the shirts together and Jack finds them. As always, I'm amazed at your writing. What a lovely ending too.

I do hope you continue this is some form. I would love to read of their new life together. I'm also curious as to how Jack's relationship with Bobby grows.

Thanks for a wonderful story.

Dec. 9th, 2007 04:34 pm (UTC)
Re: I asked and here it is!
Thanks so much Drew for your gushing. I love reading it, makes me all warm and fuzzy. I always wonder when I put in little touches of symbolism like the storm, if it has the effect I'm reaching for. Thanks for letting me know it worked. The chipped coffee mug was also a nod at both of them being dads and how its chipped and not perfect, but it's cherished and kept.

I do intend to continue this. I know you have a soft spot for this story. I do too. I think it's the first person, really that brings it home for me.

Thanks for reading and commenting. Love you, Drew.

Dec. 9th, 2007 12:51 am (UTC)
This has been a great fic. I was a little worried about what might happen but I loved the way it ended, just right. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Dec. 9th, 2007 04:35 pm (UTC)
You're very welcome. I loved writing this-- the ups and downs and arounds. The role reversal was so much fun to write.

thanks for reading.

Dec. 9th, 2007 12:54 am (UTC)
Thank you that was a great ending!
Dec. 9th, 2007 04:36 pm (UTC)
Why, thank you so much!
Dec. 9th, 2007 01:29 am (UTC)
Thank you for such an original, wonderful story - and one with a happy ending too. Are you going to write a sequel?
Please - begging here!
Dec. 9th, 2007 04:38 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Kathy. I couldn't write a sad ending here. No way. I never even considering writing one on this story. Since it is Jack's memoirs, he must be alive and kicking to write them, yes?

Thanks for following and reading the story. I will write another part for this.

Dec. 9th, 2007 02:15 am (UTC)

Well, great ending, not walking out but walking into Ennis' life, making one life together. Also like your Ennis, being up front with his boss about who he was and that he had a friend who came with him, this time it's Ennis who wants that sweet life and convinces Jack to take the chance with him.

Hope you decide to write some additional 'sequel' chapters, a window into their lives there and then on their own place.

Thanks again.
Dec. 9th, 2007 04:43 pm (UTC)
Re: Memoirs
Thanks so much. On Ennis and the boss: I tried to think how an Ennis who had never had that bad experience might approach his his under these circumstances. I reasoned that he'd be straight forward from the start. After all, Ennis might be quiet but he's forthright and honest. Straight forward, if you will with every part of his life except regarding his relationship with Jack.

Thanks for reading and commenting. I like how you put the continuation of this story as a "window into their lives." It's a very comforting thought.
Dec. 9th, 2007 02:35 am (UTC)
This has been one of my favorite stories. The writing was excellent-loved Jack's voice from the beginning-you were consistent with him throughout. The flat tire had me worried. Glad you found an alternate route for that scenario. Thanks so much for sharing this with us. I'm looking forward to reading the next phase!

Dec. 9th, 2007 04:49 pm (UTC)
Hi, Kathryn. So glad you think of this as one of your favorites in a fandom with so many great writers. It's an honor. I've written my entire life. I find writing fan fic to be one of the most challenging forms of writing I've done.

thanks for reading . It means a lot to me that you liked and read my story.

Dec. 9th, 2007 03:21 am (UTC)
Congratulations on finishing! I love this story. And, of course I'm so happy that it ended on a happy note. I love the reversal here of Ennis and the shirts and Ennis being the more confident one here at the end. Also, the way you handled the flat, exploding tire and two strangers was really, really clever.

Great job and thanks again! :-)
Dec. 9th, 2007 04:45 pm (UTC)
Well, I both happy and sad it's over. Glad you liked the flat tire change I made (sorry for the bad pun-- I'm prone to those).

I loved writing this as a role reversal. It was challenging and fun.

Thanks for reading and commenting throughout.

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